Why do people?

under the cloudy skies that
stand in the way of the sun
i hold the cashmere shawl tightly
bracing myself against the steely breeze
and as the waves repeatedly thrash the rocky coast,
i wonder and i wonder again
why do people you love hurt you the most?
words that attack you like knives
slicing your heart, making you bleed
a tongue that refuses to retaliate
the body turns devoid of emotional need
and as those judgements against me you boast
i wonder why do people you love hurt you the most.
a measuring stick i can never measure to
an overcoat too big for me or too small
i can never be the right size
meet the standards set by man
as of my previous self i slowly become a ghost
i wonder and then wonder some more
why do people you love hurt you the most.
January 5th, 2017
12:24 pm

New York Style Cheesecake with Raspberry Sauce


Just a thought

We have so much to be thankful for. there are so many people out there who are suffering from and whose loved ones are suffering from life threatening diseases , and they do not have the money to even buy a simple pain killer, leave alone afford proper treatment. really brings your ‘ wants’ into perspective.



Here’s to the Old Year

What was new this year?
And what has become old?
What resolutions if any?
What will the new year hold?
Useless questions
Meaningless Diversions
Each day, a new beginning
Each bend, a new road.
So here’s to no introspection
And no unnecessary emotional baggage
To living life as it comes
And experiences to behold.
Monday, December 30th, 2013. 

She Saw Her

I saw her walk on thorns
with a kind smile
and sad eyes
I saw her bloodied feet
baby pink polish on the nails
like a dove inside an open cage
refusing to fly away
I saw her.
I saw her today
with her patient smile
and exhausted face
so dark, red and purple
like gallons of tears and cries
pushed inside to hide.
I saw her.
Gulping down self respect
retorts of her educated mind
answers that could turn tables
I saw her choosing
to be belittled and abused
treated like no one had treated her
with the same broken smile
and her kind gestures of love
being discarded fiercely
I saw her
and i wondered
Is it worth it?
Little did i know
Little did i see
that she too wondered
Is it worth it?
© S.Mirza : 4:18 pm on December 17th 2013 
while listening to: Sab Bhula ke- a cover of Call being done foe the Nescafe Basement Show.

Why so emotional?

Some times you love so hard, so fiercely, so much that your heart can almost burst with emotion.


Rameyna, Raymond and Roman. :P

So today i will write about Rameyna. Notice the weird spelling? I mean it could just be spelled Ramina, right? Anyway , so Rameyna unfortunately fell in love with a douche bag. He wasn’t that bad though. Some complexes had developed. A wee bit of insecurities. He was  a regular flirt too . He couldn’t really help it as it was like second nature, if you know what i mean. But for him, girls came and went ( come or go?), but Rameyna was the constant stabilizer. The grounding factor. The constant. Until, she had enough.

She walked out. I mean she deserved better. Even she knew that. He was lucky to have her and she really was not going to be taken as a  door mat or have her self respect trampled on.

The guy, lets call him umm… Raymond. :) ( Oh come on, it’s not a very inspiring or imaginative tale, is it?) Well, he was given a major reality check. I mean the best thing that ever happened to him decided to bid adieu. He panicked and begged and pleaded, but it it was to no avail as they say.

Anyhow, so Rameyna had never felt happier, stronger or better. She felt free and empowered and her mind and heart were at ease. At that particular point in time, she met a guy. Let’s call him Roman. ( yeah, you’re hating this already, aren’t you?) :p So Roman was like up there. He had a stable job. He was sweet.  A bit nerdy but willing to take risks and chances. She liked him. A lot. A whole lot actually. And guess what? He asked her out. She wanted to jump with joy and say, “yes, please”.

But in all her morality and ethic binded brain, she said, “umm… i like you too. in fact, i am falling for you super fast,  BUT relationships are based on honesty and i want you to know that i was in a relationship before…”.

The awesome Mr. Roman ran as fast as he could, whilst telling her that they should take it extremely slow as in a step in a year and if after a year, they were both still single, they should see how things go.


Rameyna never responded to his kick in her stomach. In truth, she felt degraded and made to feel like a whore. This Roman not only hurt her ego but walked all over her self respect too. Even Raymond was better than that. She cried like a baby to be honest. She felt completely insulted and a bit led on. Being dumped was not the issue. The issue was how this not so awesome anymore Roman made her feel like utter filth lying on the street when just a few days before, he called her “perfect for him”.

Hmm. Maybe that was the first warning. I mean the narcissist thought that she was perfect for him, but never wondered if he was perfect for her.

Dang it!

That was some seriously unsettling time for Rameyna.

So how do you think Rameyna is doing now? Well, to be honest i haven’t met her in a while and i have no clue as to where she is and what she is doing. I was just hearing some gossip and now you probably think very low of me.

BUT, one thing i am sure of is that for the longest time Rameyna may have hated men. :P Who could blame her?

Here is a prayer though. I hope Rameyna found peace. I hope she found a man who appreciated her. I hope he made her feel special. She truly was a great gal and i’d personally be disappointed if she has become cynical or settled for something less than her worth.

And with that, i must say goodbye. If you see someone like Rameyna, tell her i said, “Hi” and do tell her that both Raymond and Roman or people like them called different names, definitely did not deserve her.


Cheers. <3 :)




This is a fictional piece of work.

© All rights reserved by the owner of the blog: www.sapphirical.wordpress.com

Cool Mom

So , my mom who does not use the computer and neither does she have a smart phone and has personally never used the internet, was telling me about the benefits of apple cider vinegar. Since everything sounded so wonderful, i told her that i would start using it.

“Don’t forget to google the benefits first”, she advised.

Wait, did ammi just tell me to use google? Really. Wow.

My mom is so cool. :)

The Security Guard

Every day when passing through the metal detector at the entrance of my work place, i used to hand over my lappie bag and hand bag ( for further security checking) to a gentle, old man who was working in the premises as a security guard. His chirpy and shafqat bhari ( paternal love imbibed with kindness and compassion), “Assalam o Alaikum betay” (Peace and blessings of Allah be on you, child) was truly the highlight of my morning. He had such a pure and genuine smile that i always responded back with an equally spontaneous,”Wa’alaikumu salaam. Aap Kaisay heine” ( peace and blessings of Allah be on you too. How are you doing today? ).

Then one day , there was a new guard at the entrance. I immediately wondered where the previous grandparenty guard went, but i am ashamed to admit that i did not ask around. 

Today though, i saw him. Just after entering i saw him pass by and i called out to him. “AssalamoAlaikum. Aap keisay heine? Ab aap kahan chalay gayey heine? ” ( Peace and blessings of Allah be on you. How are you? Where have you gone? “

He gave me the familiar shafqat bhari smile and told me that he had resigned and that he is moving to Islamabad with his family. I told him that i was glad for him and that Islamabad is a much safer city. He got into the elevator with me and wished me well and told me that he spent a good time in the building with us. He asked me for prayers and then added, “Bachi-on ki duaein qabool hoti heine” ( prayers of daughters are always heard).

I requested him to remember me in his prayers too. With that, the elevator reached the desired floor. 

“Allah Hafiz”, ( may God be with you) we said to each other.

As i made my way to my workstation, i realised that my eyes were laced with bitter sweet tears. 

Why, you ask?

Because, kindness and compassion are values so dear to me. Because, he asked me to pray for him- as a daughter. Because he gave me the grand parenty smile.

Because- we all need a bit of humanity in this world.

I hope where ever he goes, he finds peace, contentment and success. I hope that his family stays safe and that he faces no hardship, financial or otherwise. That he plays with his grand children and that Allah blesses him with all the true goodness life has to offer. Ameen. Summa Ameen.

Please pray too. 

Super Memory, Super Success

Some people work hard, juggle a lot of hats and have a lot of information stored in their brilliant brains. Unlike me.

It’s so interesting to see how these people process information though. The pause, the expression as if you are slowly untangling the web of interlinked thoughts and picking out the one you need. the slow yet brilliant speech then deciphering that thread of thought in a coherent sentence. slight stammer but when delivered, brilliant.

one of the secrets to professional success is a super memory- which i don’t have. 



Self Introspection

So yesterday we visited this burger joint for the first ( and probably last time) in this mall in Karachi. It is supposed to be this world renowned fast food chain. It opened in Karachi quite a few months back and was thronged with people left, right and centre then.

Now i.e. yesterday it was relatively quieter.

You see me and hubby, we are not really into this whole “what’s in, what’s out” thing. We don’t feel excluded if we have not visited any particular restaurant that almost everybody is going to and writing about our experience in a particular facebook group. 

We do not routinely check in our location on facebook either because we are cool like that. To be honest, we are pretty much non nonchalant about this whole facebook checking in places and restaurant gloating shpiel.

The only reason we went to this particular burger place was because it was half empty and personally i wanted some junk food in my system. This post however is not a review of the food. But if you have to know, it was like any other burger. Could be one from McDonald’s -just a bigger size.  Obviously these people disagree and hey, to each their own.

Anyway, somewhere during the meal, i thought, “I wonder how much those guys working in the kitchen earn in a month?”

” Can they afford to bring their family and kids to this place?”

” There are people dying of hunger and i am actually evaluating this burger i am munching?”

” I wonder if they have an all employee family day at this restaurant. Well, if they don’t, they should.”

” Who am i to judge anybody if i chose to munch on this thing?”

” Would my thoughts be different if i actually liked this?”

And then my hypocrisy dawned on me.

I make so many clothes. I buy so many shoes. I don’t really need them. There are people who spend any given year wearing just a pair of shoes. There are people who only own the one item of clothing on their body. And yet, i buy these items, discard them for the under privileged, and buy more clothes and shoes.

Who am i? What do i want? What do i need? Why am i here? 

What am i thinking?

Self righteous woman !

Nightmare on Mind Street

Some of our biggest fears stem from the fears that we have seen our loved ones battling with. We vow to never be on the receiving end of these fears and circumstances. We take meticulous steps to ensure that we are well equipped to battle them. But the truth is, are we really prepared?
I too struggle to shrug one such fear off the entwined nerves of my brain. Usually i succeed, but on dark nights the fear re-surfaces in the garb of a vivid nightmare. I wake up and flick the dream off my conscience like a speck of dust on an old wood table. But once the eyes close, the sub-conscious takes over and the nightmare continues from where i left it. Quite sadistically, i let it spread its weight down on me until the breath is knocked out of my lungs and i force myself to wake up again.
Astagfirul-Allahi- Rabbi-min-kulli-zanbin-wa’aatoobu-Ilaihe.
The nightmare keeps its feet firmly down on my thoughts the whole day. I cannot utter this to anybody, lest it comes true, lest it gains potency, lest it displaces my precariously placed imperfect world that i am grateful for.
No! Our fears never go away. No! They are always lurking around the corner. You can never really dis-associate yourself from the fear. 
And God help me. Please.


When in doubt. stay positive.

Happiness is punctuated by bouts of sadness. Bliss is often short lived. How long can a perfect dream last? After all, all good things come to an end, don’t they?

Not necessarily though.

Sadness is followed by moments of wide smiles and eyes giddy with delight. Bliss can be eternal even if for a few minutes. A perfect dream can come true even in its real imperfectness. An end is usually another beginning to even more good things. 




Blogging Less

It is amazing that i blog so less. Sooner or later, this may become a dead blog. *Shiver* But hey, if i blog less , it probably means that i am getting over myself. That my selfishness is subsiding. That i don’t need to tell people what I THINK.

Really! :)

That would be such a good feeling. :) To free myself from vice. ;)


In Memory of an Awesome Brother

There are days when your memory stirs my thoughts and my little heart clenches with hurt and bitter sweet pain.  The tide in my eyes rises and an obstacle forms somewhere in the throat. Despite this, i smile and pray for you with all my heart. You gave us so much happiness in the short time you were here with us. I miss you so. I miss you so. I miss you so.

I can’t find a picture of us together, but i will always have the picture where the seven of us stand together smiling, without a care in the world. Seven minus one= six and yet today, we still stand seven with a cherub joining the league. But you, you will be missed. ALWAYS.


Binni had been working in a well-known organization for a few months now. Binni loved the corporate culture and the facilities that the organization offered its employees. Yes, dissenting employees were present as well, but they are present at even the best of places. Binni knew that if you were intelligent and hard working enough and knew the right people, there were high chances of a promotion.

A few months back, Bongo, a colleague got a super promotion. He was in a position that commanded power and could make the power players of the organization turn docile just to request some time.

Soon after the promotion, Binni started noticing that Bongo had started taking himself too seriously. He had developed airs about himself and felt that he judged everybody. Sometimes he didn’t even smile. She could hear him arguing at times or just being over efficient. It was pissing some people off and annoying others. But none of the lesser employees were in a position to point it out.

One day when Bongo was away, Binni walked up to Babacha who sat near Bongo and started chatting. 

“What’s the deal with Bongo?”, Binni asked.

“He looks so stressed. Is it the new promotion and its role?”

and then just for fun Binni added, “Or is it the wife and kid”?

“But the baby is barely a year old, so can’t be the baby”, she mused aloud.

“He is stressed.. but not because of the job. It’s the child”, Babacha said.

“Oh, is the baby unwell?”, Binni questioned.

“They just found out that the baby may be a special child”, Babacha clarified.


Binni’s brain froze and for a moment it felt like her soul had stepped out of the body and then entered back.

Binni felt ashamed for judging Bongo so harshly. Binni’s family had a couple of special children mainly because of a pro-longed practice of marrying first cousins.

“Did he marry his first cousin?”, Binni asked.

“Yes!”, Babacha clarified.

After a deep thought, Binni requested Babacha to never mention this to Binni again. Technically, Binni reasoned, Bongo would not want others to know so Binni would like to pretend that she didn’t.

Later, at the workstation, Binni had a series of troubled thoughts to reconcile with. Binni was not happy for judging Bongo so unfavourably. This little episode made Binni understand with even more clarity that people should not be judged by their outward appearances and actions.

We all have a story. We all have our set of problems. No one really knows what issues the other person is facing and what circumstances they are going through.

Some of us have the ability to smile through life’s hardships and some of us don’t. Not all of us know how to deal with events that almost derail our sanity. A lot of us just struggle.

Binni knew how Bongo must feel that the weight of the entire world had descended on his shoulders.  Bongo probably felt angry with the entire human race. And who could blame Bongo?

Binni’s own uncle had a child with downs syndrome. An aunt had a girl who was a special child too. One of her mother’s cousins was special too and needed care until he eventually passed away a few years ago. He was in his forties at that time.

Yes, Binni understood. Binni saw. Binni was ashamed.

As for Bongo, may Allah help him and his wife and may his child be a source of peace, contentment, immense happiness, pride and Sadqa-e-Jariyah for them. Ameen.



This is a fictional piece of work.

© All rights reserved by the owner of the blog: www.sapphirical.wordpress.com



Then which of the favours of your Lord will you deny? – Surah Ar-Rahman.(Quran)

This weekend i thanked Allah for his blessings. Life has been kind. That is not to say that i have not had my share of darkness. I have seen sickness of loved ones and eventually said goodbye to them. i have been betrayed. I have had people stab me from behind, lived away from my family and missed them. Dealt with crazy bosses, crazier colleagues, complex family issues. Living in Karachi means that yes, i have been in accidents and survived without injury, my cell phone has been taken away on gun point and i have seen my share of protests and rallies. But then this is normal life for us, isn’t it? I am sure some of you have been through a lot more and truly speaking i feel blessed to not having to go through those “worse” things. AlhamdulilAllah.

Blessings they have come in forms- big and small and hazy and clear. The biggest blessing is to have loving parents who have supported me and encouraged me to pursue my dreams. Post marriage, i sometimes feel like a six year old, aching to be with her ma and pa. I can cry rivers and look potentially silly to everyone just because heck, i miss my mom and dad. That is love. That is a beautiful bond. That is a gift. May Allah bless them with the best of everything in this life and the next. Ameen.

To have spent time with my grandmother has been a blessing. To have snippets of memories about my maternal grand mother has been a blessing. Grandparents teach you the best of everything, don’t they?

To have loved your siblings to death. To fight for them. To die for them. To die with them. That is a blessing.

To have gone to a foreign country to get a better degree. To feel lost and then being embraced by loving house mates is a blessing. To make more friends. To share joy, pain, laughter, craziness, failures and success. To have been able to laugh with abandon, to see beautiful scenic wonders, hear songs that stick to your head for life- those are blessings.

To have broken into a thousand pieces, having sought out God, placing my foot onto the holy land, finding his mercy and care wash over me through despair and tears on a lonesome morning in Karachi – such a blessing. Such a blessing, AlHamdulilAllah.

And then finding love. The love i always had. The love i shunned and embraced. The love i pushed and it pulled me. The love i felt was being compromised. The love that betrayed me. And the love that still remained strong. The love that stills holds my hand and smiles at me. That is a blessing.

To be able to see, hear, breathe, touch, inhale and feel is a blessing.

I don’t have it all. I have my down times. I have those days when I am angry enough to wreck my own life. But then there is patience. There is understanding. There is a constant reminder of my blessings. And then, there is peace. AlHamdulilAllah.

“Do men think that they will be left alone on saying “We believe” and that they will not be tested? We did test those before them, and Allah will certainly know those who are true from those who are false.”Al-Ankaboot – 29:2-3 (Quran)


Emotional for No Reason

There are days when fatigue and helplessness is waiting at every corner to lure you in a black hole and get you down. Those are the days when your will power has to be most strongest and your smile has to be the warmest. And a big slice of Nandos chocolate cake/or Banoffee pie with a hot cup of tea always helps, doesn’t it?

Fly away little birdie

Release negativity. Release frustrations. Release hurt and anger. Release sadness. Let go off the pointless drama and the people who create it, as i read some where.  Forgive and move on. We are on a journey. Every person we meet teaches us a lesson and makes us stronger and better. Question whether reacting on one teeny bad thing can upset you for aeons as a consequence. Be wiser. Forget the bad and focus only on the good. Don’t wish bad for anyone. Don’t wish that they get stuck in a deep dark place. What kind of person would that make you? Someone similar wouldn’t it? So, all i am saying is- Don’t let negative emotions steal your right to smile. After all life is too short to be anything be happy. :) Don’t let negative emotions cage your soul. Fly away little birdie. Fly. :) *YaY*