Inadequacies


Anger and frustration are two emotions that suck the ” good life” feeling off you. And they ruined the mood today.

I have lately been made to feel very inadequate.

If told to recite the urdu alphabet, there are high chances that i will miss the laam, the fey and the qaaf.

I do not know all the Surahs in the last chapter of the Quran.

I mispronounce Urdu words.  I cannot understand whether “call aata hai” or “call aati hai.” I use both genders for incoming calls depending on my mood.

So yeah, not good. Self Esteem has been pretty low. I feel defensive but i am not showing it. I am feeling angry but i am pushing it down. This gave me a head ache today.

I have been writing down the Urdu alphabet to check myself.

I am attempting memorising some of the Surahs and it is painfully slow.

I am speaking very slowly and taking out each word with the right pronunciation. However, there are times i stumble when speaking fast and with emotion.

Nope, i am not feeling very confident any more.

Urdu-Alphabet

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8 thoughts on “Inadequacies

  1. Salam, sister.
    Two things are there. Urdu speaking and reading the Quran. Both are poles apart.
    Part of the confusion may be because some urdu speaking people try to read Quran as per urdu-ised pronunciation of arabic letters. Thats the main problem.
    Reading Arabic letters as Arabic letters by getting to know the Arabic pronunciation and articulation of letters will help solve the confused.

    • Wow. I never said that i pronounce Urdu in an Arabic style or pronounce the Quran in an Urdu style. I took tajweed lessons to combat this issue anyway a year back. I seriously am mispronouncing some basic Urdu words in the Urdu lingo. This must be the stupid O level, A level back ground of mine talking.

      *Sigh*

    • it’s ok. you meant well. i did not explain it better. I having Mishary Al Afasi’s recitation on my mp3 player and am learning the pronunciation better but it will take time.

  2. Sister, it’s OK. We all have our down days and inshallah tomorrow is a better day. The thing is if you keep pushing these negative emotions down and not acknowledging them they will continue to make you sick. If you acknowledge the fact that I don’t feel like I am being heard today, and I am having a crappy day and just wallow in that feeling for a moment, then it will make you feel better as long as you follow that negative thought with something positive like, I may mispronounce words today, but I’m going to work on it so that next time I pronounce them correctly inshallah. You’re doing a lot better than me, because I can speak urdu but not read or write it. I’d love to learn inshallah.

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