So this is the new year.
And i don’t feel any different.
The clanking of crystal
Explosions off in the distance.
So this is the New Year
And I have no resolutions
For self assigned penance
For problems with easy solutions.
(Death Cab for Cutie.)
A few years back on every New Years Eve, despite the fact that I was in my room and under the blanket on my bed, trying to sleep amidst the deafening celebratory gun shots ( that made me realize how a war zone would sound like) I used to be very optimistic. Brimming with energy, hope and very stupid faith and certainty, I used to declare to nobody but myself, “I am so sure the coming year will be different. Something great will happen. Something special will happen. Surely, this will be the unforgettable year of my life and I will achieve many milestones.”
So terribly naïve of me.
Fast forward a few years and now on New Years Eve, as I lie under the blanket and listen to the various types of ammunition being shot in the air, I have no feelings- nothing. – nada- zilch. To be honest, it does not even feel like it is the new year. Nothing feels different. Yes, AlhamdulilAllah I have achieved many milestones along the way, but somehow nothing in life motivates me anymore. I am after all running after nothing. Money? Fame? Success? Love? Contentment? Happiness? Do I have any of these things? Hell NO! But still I don’t aspire for anything.
Maybe I have become a zombie- insensitivised by the bomb attacks happening every other week, frustrated by the country’s politics, tired of the meaningless social gatherings, disappointed by people to such an extent that there are no expectations at all, secretly depressed by the nothingness of life and most importantly resigned to my fate- whatever it is and whatever it may be.
But I am not unhappy. Just at peace with my self, the world and those around me.
So happy new year folks. My expectation level for this year is actually pretty low so bring it on. Love, peace and Light as they say. <3
Ps. Keep me in your prayers.