The Loser In Me


He was sitting on the couch opposite mine, in the university’s cafe.I was chatting to S, who was keen on reading her brief in record time before class. I secretly observed him.

He was tall, blonde, thin and had brown eyes. He sat with his knees together, and his tall lanky legs apart- like a triangle without a base. What amused me was the huge lunchbox on his lap.Inside the lunch box were four bananas, a fruit yogurt pack , a chocolate bar. a sandwich and some grapes. I sat quite amused, watching him finish his sandwich and his chocolate. He then took out a small shiny silver spoon ( wow! he comes prepared), and scooped the fruit yogurt out of the unsealed pack. Needless to say, the bananas were not spared. When all but just one of the bananas were devoured, he noticed my attention. I guess, he got quite uncomfortable then.He closed his lunchbox, neatly placed it in his backpack and sat twirling the last banana in his hand. I spared him the agony and averted my gaze, but the damage was done. He walked away with the last banana still twirling in his fingers.

loser

I told S how i would like to get to know him and that i didn’t like the fact that he was sitting alone and had no friends. He reminded me of the losers shown in teenage movies. S just giggled.

This reminded me of statement made by a close friend a few months back. She asked me why i always attracted attention of the loserly, the weird, and the ones to whom no one talks to and want to avoid?

“Maybe they see the Loser in me which i try desperately to hide!”, i answered back.

I won’t be immodest enough to call myself full to the brim of unflinching humanity, but i must concede that i find it almost inhumane when certain people are singled out and not spoken to i.e. generally alienated , simply owing to the fact that they are different. I’d like to talk to them, get to know them, make them smile, make them feel, that they do belong. I don’t know if they ever have belonged anywhere, or if my attempts generally failed, but i am content knowing that i just may have ( secret hope) made them feel better and nicer.A nice conversation or simply an acknowledgment can’t be that bad.

It has back fired at times.For instance once a freak tutor developed a crush on me and totally freaked and grossed me out. That was never my intention.  I was only nice to him because other students made fun of him.

This is totally beyond the point though. The point is:

The guy with the big lunch box should have friends! Maybe he does.  Hmm…

Jan 14, 2006 Sat 12:48 pm

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2 thoughts on “The Loser In Me

  1. Good to know that a tutor had a crush on you =)

    But his reaction is quite generalized. Belonging to the same gender, as I have seen men, they have a tendency to get serious quickly, sometimes, failing to differentiate that what is a good faith move and what is a likeness. Respected Tutor behaved the way as do men in general.

    That it true, the guy carrying lunch box should have friends. However, some of us, are more comfortable being alone. At times one enjoys one’s loneliness as does one of your write ups on loneliness contends.

    With compliments.

    • At that time, i felt harassed and todate, i don’t want to set eyes on the tutor ever again.
      As for the lonely guy, you are correct- some people do prefer being alone. solitude is bliss.

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